


Identity

by yet_another_coincidence (orphan_account)



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Lewis still hasn't moved on, M/M, a bit sad I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 05:21:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/yet_another_coincidence
Summary: Lewis has categorised his life into two neat sections: 'Nico' and 'Post Nico.'He's having trouble transitioning between the two.





	Identity

It was probably the worst time to notice the exact shape and curve of Valtteri’s lips but that didn’t seem to matter to Lewis. He stopped his movements completely, hands still lingering on his teammate’s jeans and just… stared. 

Valtteri’s lips weren’t like Nico’s. Where Nico’s were soft, the other man’s were deceptively rough, reminding Lewis with every kiss that it wasn’t Nico he was sleeping with. Lewis was grateful of course, to him this seemed like the perfect way to move on; pressing the Finn into the door in a way he’d never done with Nico. 

“What is it?” Valtteri breathed, turning his head to look at Lewis. His accent was so different from Nico’s. Lewis wrapped himself in the comfort of that. He shook his head, eyes moving up to look at Valtteri’s blue ones. 

Fuck. They were the same colour as Nico’s. 

“Just admiring the view.” 

“Please.” Valtteri pushed his ass back against Lewis’s crotch, hoping to tempt him into action. 

“Fuck…” Lewis breathed in his ear, sliding his hands upwards and pulling Valtteri’s shirt over his head. For a moment, Valtteri struggled to get his head out, lifting both arms up and exposing his pale back. And just for a second, Lewis let himself believe it was Nico struggling with his shirt. 

He snorted, helping his teammate out of his clothes. Lewis didn’t look at his face, trying to maintain the illusion that he was with Nico. 

As soon as the shirt was discarded, Lewis was back on him again, pressing Valtteri into the door with renewed force. He bit at the Finn’s earlobe, sliding his hands down the newly revealed expanse of skin and back to Valtteri’s jeans. 

“Nico…” Lewis breathed. Shit. He felt the other man go ridged behind him. Lewis realised his mistake as soon as the words left his lips. 

He moved back, not saying a word as he gave Valtteri a little space. Maybe Lewis needed a little space to process what he just did too. 

Valtteri turned around, looking at the floor. His body was still tense but if his teammate looked really hard, he could see the blonde shaking. 

“I can’t do this.” Valtteri looked up, finally meeting Lewis’s gaze. “I can’t be him… i won’t be…” There were tears in his eyes.

“Valtteri…” Lewis muttered, frowning slightly. Maybe Lewis hoped if he used his name, his correct name, it might rectify his mistake. Valtteri just shook his head, dropping his gaze and moving to collect his shirt which was screwed up on the floor. 

“You’re not over him and i can’t do it.”

“I’m not-”

Valtteri held his hand up, asking for silence. 

“Maybe when you are, things will be different but i don’t want to make whatever you’ve got happening even more complicated.”

Lewis didn’t have it in him to protest, he just stared at his teammate, unsure of what to say since there was no use denying anything. Valtteri swallowed thickly and nodded, blinking away the tears in his eyes as he left. 

 

Lewis stood in the same spot for a number of minutes, unsure of what to do with himself. He’d fucked up his relationship with two of his teammates now. He wasn’t sure what he would do now that Nico was gone. He had no one to beat on track, no one to work with, no one to argue with, no one to sleep with. Seb? Lewis didn’t give a shit about him. Valtteri? He wasn’t Nico, not even close. 

In frustration, Lewis threw his fist at the wall, not caring if he made a dent. And he did, a considerable one. He grunted loudly, cradling his fist and sinking to his knees. God he was so fucking stupid, why did he do that? 

He just sat there, letting all the emotions he’d been trying to get over, overcome him. He sobbed until he was dehydrated, his newly injured hand adding a new problem to the mix- what if he couldn’t race tomorrow? 

Lewis hadn’t sobbed like that in a while. No, that was a lie. He’d been sobbing more and more recently. The last time was after the Australian race, his first time racing without Nico. He’d spent so long with the German in his life that he was filing all these experiences into a segment called ‘post Nico.’


End file.
